After all's said and done.
What's left, is a cocktail of emotions.

I am so proud of myself.
So proud that I delievered a personal best, that
"at last I believed."

I am ashamed.
Ashamed of the foolish thinking that occupied me and took over,
these past few days.
Now lying forsaken, and forgone, is 2 could-have-been blissful days.
What took over was the ugliest display of human frailty.
My frailty.

I am blessed.
Blessed to have had been under the tutelage of 2 very esteemed coaches.
Esteemed, is the last reason I want to give for my deep reverence and studently love I feel towards them.
More than coaches,
the way they pushed us.

And therefore, my greatest sorrow, is not our lost.
there is no lost.

The lessons I learnt are invaluable.
Thank you Mr. Sunni,
It is through you,
I took my first glimpse, at the person I can be.
Thank you for the way you keep believing in me.
The strong faith you showed me, not through telling me you did.
Through the way you'd talk to me, the way you'd engage me,
There is a special way, our little conversations would keep me smiling for a long time thereafter
When I was at my lowest, you were always first to give that confidence-booster.
When I acted badly, when I refused to see worth in my role, you guided me to see that it is

"not the length that matters. Look at Mr Vadi, in his India advertisement, 10 seconds of speech, and he is now so famous!"

It kept me awake at night, those words.
Kept me thinking. Words of wisdom.
And now, I am a believer!

Thank you.
Because you are a breakthrough to me, after all these months of failures. One after another.
That when I first met you, I was a secretly defeated person. Self-doubting. Desparate for some form of reassurance, that my life is not over because of a few failures. That I am not a loser even if I always come in second.

So we lost,
and I wish, I wish.
I want so much for us to win,
So we can do YOU proud..
So that we can bring justice to a person
who deserves far better acclaim, than the 2 straight years of being coach of the losing team at Bridging Minds.
I want so much to do you proud,
to show you exactly how much of good you've done in us.
To show you that you've made me a new person. And for that, we deserve to win. For that, the least we could do was to win, at last.

Heaven knows there is no greater shame,
than the agony that tears at the heart of earnest.
Heaven knows there is no greater desire in the heart of the earnest,
to reveal a glimpse, even a glimpse of indebtitude through a simple win.

Heaven knows why we lost despite our prayers and hopes.
God knows why this outcome is best.

And vaguely, I can too.
Today, I am given inveritable proof,
that achievement and vindiction does not come with success.
But the truest form of attainment lies,
when there is a breakthrough,
a deep learning,
from the process, sealed in one's soul.

I have one,
simple, not easily procured,
profound and impactful, yet easily lost with the passage of time. I will need reminders.

Life-transforming.
Thank you Mr Sunni,
for this first ray of sunlight.