Cogito Ergo Sum: July 2007

A day without Rain

Today hasn't been great.
I have yet to glean victory because I have not grown to be larger than life's lost battles.

What does success mean to you, if you can no longer afford to fail?

Until I can fall and smile, I can't say I can fly.
I fell today and I couldn't smile.
It despairs me to look at my chem grades.
The system is unforgiving. Past failures reach through time and cast their shadows on the future.
I must now work doubly hard for Review week's test, yet can I score just by wishing I will?
If only it were that easy.

To be the best that I can be, and more.
I seek to outdo myself.
So I must fall. Pain is fertiliser for human growth.
It's still hard to smile when you fall. It hurts.
I am thankful for the Enya songs. They are a source of sustanence in this episode of struggle,
in this day without rain.

A day without Rain

Thank you Althea, for this wonderful song.

Master of Magic (with words)

Joanne Kathleen Rowling is one talented, peerless woman!

Believe it does, and it will.
My strength lies in the Lord and in my father,
my strength does not tire,
but multiply with great ferocity.

Lucky Break

Today's the first day of Helmsman!
The mood in the class is noticeably different.
The festive cackles and giggles resounded through what would usually be subdued, miserable silence.
I guess everyone's out to get their last ounce of fun before crash landing in week 7's wreakage of tests.
Lol it's been a long time since I last saw classmates laughing themselves silly over a nonsensical argument. Jing Jing was so hilarious. I found her, trying to convince Jie Min amid mad laughter that Grace had incredously accused her of producing a beautiful art piece (of a biscuit house) which was actually done by Jie Min.
It felt good to be carried away by all the hubbub, I thought "she's so funny, I want to know her for a lifetime."

(no) Fun on Foot

"Fun on foot" really made me realise how unfit I must have become. It was far from fun for me. Right from the start, 30 min into the game, I could feel my stamina wearing thin as we sprinted across cavenaugh bridge. Heaven knows how I pulled through the next 3 and a 1/2 hours.

We ran from Raffles landing site, to the pandang, to the supreme court, to the war memorial, to the Esplanade, through the whole of city link, to the Raffles place MRT, to Aljunied, to Singapore Badminton Association in Mountbatton, to geylang, to mosque between laksa stalls in Katong, *CENSORED*, from Park Mall, to Musuem beside Wesley near SMU, to Cathay Cinema, up and down Fort Canning, to MICA, past Clarke Quay to George Street, back to Clarke Quay station, to Raffles Place, to Lau Pa Sat, Back to Raffles place, to Asian Civillisations Musuem across the Singapore River. All of these on foot, all of these running, running, running...

It was torturous to be at the back, watching fellow team mates metres in front, and not wanting to drag the team down but held back, held down by physical limitations. As Grace has so aptly put it, we were all "shagged like shit." Elroy told us after the race he felt like lying flat on the ground half the time.
I felt like digging a hole in the ground so that when my team members turned back, they'd not find me, and I could then spend a lifetime catching my breath in that hole, far away and safe from that hell of a race.
The run up Fort Canning was really the killer. We ran up the steep slopes of Fort Canning and through it.
Halfway through Fort Canning, we were flying past angsana trees lining the very broad walkways which I, myself, had months ago, spent blissful moments looking down upon, (while on higher grounds on the balcony of Cafe Sunrise, where we had gone through a cooking lesson.) I thought "what if I had looked through time then? Would I have seen my future self clad in yellow and running like a mad woman? Would I have joined this competition then, knowing the ordeal I was asking for?" Whatever it was, I certainly had no idea then, what I was to go through on July 21st at the very same place.
It was a race that demanded a hell load of stamina. For most of us, it was a demand our bodies couldn't meet, these we compensated for with sheer mind power. "Grace says its all in the mind" I told myself, and that was what kept me running. Mind over matter was the most important thing the race taught me.
So what happened in the end? Did we win? Did we win?
No. We lost.
The disappointment was tremendous. Other supposedly stronger teams came in even later than we did. Mind over matter. What happened to them? They didn't even made it before 1430h and so they were disqualified. So much for "much stronger team." The juniors bagged 3 out of the top 8 positions instead. Competition comes from unexpected quarters was another lesson the race taught me.
A nice chocolate chip ice cream (which Grace resisted "so fattening!" but gave in to in the end) lifted some of the pain. MsToh also showered us with all sorts of good food... Curry puffs... Peanut and sesame cakes ( to Elroy's delight) We also got 3 goodie bags each, and they were really goodies! Among other things found in there were Muesli bread, a bottle of Shokubutsu shower cream, Nivea deodorant, cookies, coffee packs, chips... Well if we can't get the $1000 prize money, we might as well reward ourselves with a lifetime's supply of Nivea! xD
So the day wasn't lost, and we dragged our tired feet home to a deep afternoon nap. Its coping with lactic acid for us now. It pleases me though, to know that though the pain batters my four limbs, at least 3 other persons in this world shares it.

These days have not been easy.
Everything is moving faster, everyone wanting better.
These are times when I really feel stretched,
but it is only when we all struggle and fight for our better selves,
that we grow stronger and better.

what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger

So bring it on.

You can't keep me down

All of us get lost in the darkness

Dreamers learn to steer by the stars

All of us do time in the gutters

Dreamers turn to look at the cars

and no

you can't keep me down

So help me Lord

Today I realise that I do my best
but my best is not enough.

This Last Lap

This last lap we run comrades,
the greatest test yet.

Beneath this red tartan matting,
tectonic plates are shifting,
familiar faces morphing,
the runners, we are sweating,
the last hurdle is approaching.

Everyone is training for the last hurdle,
red bandana on, we sing one final song.
Grit your teeth and brace yourselves comrades,
This Last Lap We Run

Our Chinese teacher once told us: 世界作文一大抄 (All literature are but text-copied text)

When I Say "I Am A Christian"
by Carol Wimmer
When I say..."I am a Christian"

I'm not shouting "I am saved"

I'm whispering "I get lost!"

"That is why I chose this way."